I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
My liver just broke up with me...
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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