omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Randomize