I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
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I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
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She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
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