I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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