Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
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