I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
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I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
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Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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