ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
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