i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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