How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize