my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
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You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
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Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
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