Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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