I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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