My girlfriend figured out who you are.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
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I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
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What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
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