Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
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