found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
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