I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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