i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize