What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize