hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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