so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
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