2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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