I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
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