He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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