I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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