i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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