I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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