Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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