Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize