im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
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