is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
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