i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize