Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize