the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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