I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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