You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
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