Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
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From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
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He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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