Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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