I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
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