i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
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Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
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We need a shit load of segways right now
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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