I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize