Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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