Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
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