I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
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