Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
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I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
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as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize