I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize