I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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