i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I got inside last night via doggy door
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize