Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
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he tried to breastfeed my turtle
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
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last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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