yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
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Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
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Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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