Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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